Summary

  • Type: Independent Executive Agency of the United States Federal Government
  • Headquarters: Washington, D.C.
  • Established: 1937
  • Mission: To identify and address inefficiencies in governmental structures, particularly those pertaining to geographical and administrative organization, through comprehensive data analysis and innovative restructuring proposals.

History

The Mapping Efficiency and State Streamlining Commission (MESS) was formally established in 1937 by Executive Order 1138, becoming one of the signature “alphabet soup” agencies of the New Deal era. Created by President Roosevelt during a period of rapid government expansion and perceived federal redundancy, MESS was tasked with bringing logistical order to the friction between new and existing agencies. Its initial mandate focused on standardizing agricultural zones and optimizing postal routes, leveraging the revolutionary new technology of aerial survey photogrammetry to do so.

During the mid-20th century, MESS gained recognition for its successful efforts in reorganizing federal land management districts, a process that saw an impressive 3% reduction in inter-agency boundary disputes. Later, in the 1980s, MESS was instrumental in a nationwide initiative to consolidate duplicate municipal services across county lines, leading to significant, quantifiable gains in public sector performance. MESS’s methodology, often termed “MESS-based optimization,” became a standard in governmental reorganization studies.

Agency Size and Growth

Upon its establishment in 1937, the Mapping Efficiency and State Streamlining Commission operated with a modest staff. Headquartered in a small wing of the Commerce Department building, the initial agency was, by design, a small MESS, comprised of just a few dozen cartographers, statisticians, and administrative personnel.

Following the administrative expansions of the post-war era, the commission’s mandate and budget grew significantly. By the 1960s, with responsibilities that now included federal infrastructure and resource allocation, the agency had moved to its own dedicated building. This expansion of duties and personnel transformed the organization into a much larger MESS, with a staff numbering in the hundreds.

In the contemporary era, with the addition of regional offices in Denver, Chicago, and Atlanta to oversee localized streamlining projects, the commission has reached its largest size to date. The logistical coordination between the primary D.C. headquarters and these satellite branches has made the agency a truly gigantic MESS, employing over a thousand federal workers dedicated to its national efficiency mission.

Seal and Logo

The official seal of the MESS Commission was formally adopted in 1947, following the agency’s post-war expansion.

A circular, government-style seal for the "Mapping Efficiency and State Streamlining Commission." The acronym MESS is featured in large, bold letters across the center of a shield.

The design features a complex array of symbols representing its core mission. The central shield contains a hybrid cartographical-schematic diagram, flanked by gears representing mechanical efficiency and pierced by an arrow signifying forward progress. A traditional compass rose anchors the design, referencing the agency’s foundational principles in providing clear direction. All of these symbols frame the commission’s acronym, displayed prominently in the center. The result is an insignia that communicates the agency’s core identity with powerful, unambiguous clarity.

Organizational Structure

MESS is comprised of several key divisions, each tasked with a specific aspect of its mission:

  • The Bureau of Symmetrical Borders (BSB): Tasked with creating more “aesthetically pleasing” boundaries. The Bureau not only redraws maps to eliminate jagged lines, but also dispatches construction engineers to physically alter coastlines, riverbeds, and mountain ranges to match the new, geometrically simple designs.
  • The Oversight Office of Pedestrian Signalization Iconography (OOPSI): After extensive ergonomic studies, this division concluded that modern pedestrian posture has universally evolved into a “head-down” position due to ubiquitous smartphone use. OOPSI is now overseeing a multi-year project to redesign the “walking person” icon to more accurately reflect this reality.
  • The Office of Redundant Street Name Abatement (ORSNA): Tasked with the nationwide de-duplication of common street names to reduce postal confusion, primarily focusing on the overabundance of “Main,” “Park,” and “Elm” streets.
  • The Division of Fluvial and Lacustrine Boundary Demarcation (FLBD): Responsible for the frequent re-surveying and re-publication of official maps for the numerous state and county borders defined by the center line of rivers and lakes. This division is in a constant state of deployment due to boundary shifts caused by seasonal water level variations, droughts, and floods.
  • The Division of Ungulate Traffic Management (UTM): Tasked with establishing “Optimal Migration Routes” through the strategic placement of standardized informational signage. The division’s goal is to create clear, predictable crossing points for migratory fauna, thereby reducing vehicular-wildlife incidents. Current pilot programs involve testing the effectiveness of sequential wayfinding signage, including illustrative pictograms of desirable grazing areas, and experimenting with various fonts and languages in case of regional literacy issues among the fauna.

The Commission is led by a Presidential appointee, serving a fixed term, and operates with a bipartisan board of experts in public administration, cartography, and queuing theory (the mathematical study of waiting in lines). The current Director, Atlas Rhumb, has been noted in several public appearances for his praise of the digital age, frequently remarking that he is “personally relieved” to no longer be expected to correctly fold a physical road map, a task he has described as “historically challenging.”

Key Initiatives

MESS has been responsible for numerous impactful initiatives throughout its history:

  • 1952 – The Idaho-Montana Border Simplification Project: A landmark BSB initiative that successfully petitioned Congress to cede and acquire several thousand acres of remote wilderness, transforming a jagged, 27-mile portion of the border into a perfect 90-degree angle for “aesthetic consistency.”
  • 1975 – The Wyoming Antelope Wayfinding Study: A controversial UTM pilot program that attempted to redirect pronghorn antelope migration patterns using a series of large, pictorial road signs. The project’s initial “inconclusive results” did not lead to its cancellation; instead, it prompted follow-up studies to enhance signage efficacy. These ongoing efforts include the testing of more vibrant color palettes, larger fonts, and the recent addition of Braille lettering for “tactile engagement” by the target species.
  • 1998 – The “Elm Street Accord”: A celebrated ORSNA success story in which two neighboring towns in Ohio agreed to rename their respective “Elm Streets” to “Elm Street North” and “Elm Street South,” reducing regional postal confusion by an estimated 0.02%.
  • Recent Proposals: In recent years, MESS has garnered significant attention for its bold “Project Super-State” initiative, which aims for a comprehensive reorganization of the United States’ geographical and administrative landscape to solve inefficiencies in license plate manufacturing.

Criticism and Reception

While consistently lauded for its commitment to efficiency and its robust analytical frameworks, MESS has occasionally faced criticism regarding the perceived disruption caused by its proposals. Opponents sometimes characterize MESS’s approach as overly zealous in its pursuit of optimization, occasionally overlooking local specificities in favor of broad-strokes solutions. Despite this, MESS continues to maintain its mandate for governmental streamlining, with internal memos frequently stating the agency’s goal is simply to be “the best MESS it can be.”

External Links

This is a work of satire. The Mapping Efficiency and State Streamlining Commission (MESS) is not a real government organization.

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